Friday, September 19, 2008

Walking on eggshells....

When do you reveal the "big secret"? When is okay to let people in and share your struggles with them? When can we ask why?

It feels as if we are all alone in this struggle with our precious five year old. No one ever believes us when we share the things we are going through. We have just realized that we have our GOD. Our Father. We have had to trust that He will give us the strength and support that we need to get through this. The only thing that gets me through everyday is that we have hope that what they claim is wrong has not been officially diagnosed. I am having a hard time with this whole thing. There is hardly any research that defines what is going on with her and there is hardly any support groups for it. Why?? Is it so hard to believe that a chid can have things go wrong with them mentally?? Why is it that when we take our children out in public and they have a meltdown way out of thier control and certainly out of ours that we get looks and unsolicited advise on how to raise/discipline our child???

We have so many questions that we cant even begin to share because we are ashamed of what we are going through and we are scared that if people knew how she really acted they would never have us over to play or let their chidren come to play with her. So now we have to live this secretive life and walk on eggshells as to not disrupt the very child who we are afraid of. The explosive rage that results in a devestating day. Her baby sister is terrified of what she might endure. We have to hover over her all day to make sure that she is safe and she is terrified to ride in the car with her because that is where most of the abuse takes place.

For now I guess we will continue to pray for Gods hand to touch every person in our family, the doctors, and social workers that help her deal with this horriable, awful and dibilitating illness. We know that our dreams of a normal life have come to an abrupt stop. But then is there even such a thing as "normal"???

Off to the battle grounds....

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